(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A few friends and I got talking today about the obsession of the humankind with the measurements of the penises and the breasts. Often, we’ll deny the size-mania outright but confess to a confidante, when scratched with some determination, pun intended. Straight or Gay, Men or Women – we often discuss the sizes with our close friends, and more frequently direct than in innuendo. Some will deny it, but you know the facts as well as I do.

Our conversation began with the size queens, (both women and gay men) but suddenly we were discussing on a different tangent. We decided to focus on two facts –

1. Most men like to ‘enhance’ the size when describing their penises
2. Most women ‘complain’ they have smaller breasts (than they would like to have had!)

Note here, the group was a mix of straight men and women,  as well as gay men and women and some ‘alleged bisexuals’. I say alleged not because I believe there is no bisexuality because I for sure know some bisexuals way too well, no pun intended; to know it is as real as the sun and the soil. I digress. So, given the mix of the group we had a fair balance to decide for the rest of the creation how humans think. Or so we claim! * ahem! *

Amusingly, the entire bunch agreed that ‘most’ men claim to have bigger schlongs than they really do, irrespective of sexual orientation and/or gender of their sexual partners (same or opposite sex, for those who need it spelled out).  Both women and gay men agreed that they are often ‘led to believe’ they are in for a bigger treat than it turns out to be. Surprisingly though, most individuals expect a ‘little less’ than advertised goods and are not too often surprised because they are accustomed to lowering the expectations at the ‘big’ reveal; and I use the word big loosely.

Not just that, it was established in this ever important ‘measurement summit’ (as we decided to call it halfway through the discussion session) that men often found ways to justify their size, if questioned and they were often prepared with elaborate answers and willing to get measured – as long as the measurement method was applied by THEIR logic, which often proved them almost correct. Did I just say almost with the italicized, bold and underlined emphasis? Oh well!

balloon penises (Photo credit: Chris Makarsky)

Women, on other hand, were found to be complaining that their breasts are a cup size (or three) smaller than they wanted. In fact, it was observed, women often believed they deserved a size or three bigger in proportion to their body and were robbed by the nature. Somehow they seem to justify that it is not genetic shortcoming (or normal inheritance, as I believe) but they were intentionally, arrogantly robbed by the nature of their legal rights to be bigger and better. Ahem!

It was also concluded in this measurement summit that the said bigger women who were actually seen complaining about the ‘two big babies’ they have to carry around, secretly loved their size and the attention it gets them. There will be backlash and public denial but secretly they love that they got the better deal, so was inferred.  It was also established that 6 in 10 women with decently proportionate breasts would happily get breast implants if they could afford, financially and other factors. Hmm!

Now before you claim, I am not a size queen and/or I don’t care about the size, this summit also extrapolated on your behalf (and you do not get to object, so shut the drama queen trap up!) that 9.9/10 humans are size queens (or kings for that matter) and cared about the sizes of their partners boobs and cocks! Ha, there I said it, boobs and cocks! Boobs and Cocks! RELEASE!!!! Oh, where was I?

Screw it! Now I’ve said it and this is a NSFW blog , so there will be no censoring! Hence the ‘Governance Committee of the Measurement Summit’ hereby declares, that Breasts and Penises have a liberal bias! (read as men and women are both size queens!)

Your confessions go underneath in the comment section, begin NOW!

 That Is All!

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