For those who do not suffer with anxiety disorders and do not understand how it works, let me begin with the worst-best example there ever can be, but first…
Trigger Alert: This article contains mentions of topics related to Anxiety Attacks, Panic Attacks, other Mental Fitness challenges, and substance use disorder that can trigger people with anxiety, depression, PTSD, other Mental Health challenges and substance use disorder or in recovery. If these topics are a difficult read for you or can cause any complications, I advise you proceed with caution; and/or appropriate support as best suited for your individual safety. Also, if you find any terminology/phrase that can be worded in a more inclusive, compassionate manner, please do not hesitate to educate me.
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First things first, feeling anxious in a tricky situation and suffering with an anxiety disorder is not the same thing. Former is a reaction to a specific unfavorable life event while the latter is an irrational impulse from within without any specific unfavorable event occurring in our life and can trigger without a rational explanation and even in the best circumstances.
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You may have heard that it is dangerous to mix alcohol with medication and even worse if you are struggling with depression. It is in fact a lethal combination, one that must be avoided at all costs.
I have personally witnessed people dealing with alcohol + medication combo use disorder, and at one point I did it myself for nearly a month. I cannot tell you how fortunate I am to have climbed safely out of the darkness before it could consume me.
While above scenario is part individual action, part (early) symptoms of substance use disorder, living with Anxiety combined with self-doubt is like a permanent third-party person with substance use disorder living in your head ready to contradict every single thought of your brain with their most irrational, unwelcome, and toxic version of events. In this case, this person’s preferred substance of use is ‘feeding constant negative thoughts in our brain.’
The worst part, it is not the same as being our own inner critic but more like an actual outsider with a persistent substance use disorder carrying out an agenda to sabotage every move you make in life, yet comfortably residing in the 3 rooms out of the 4 in luxurious apartment of your head; leaving very little space for you to breathe and move in.
I am going to call this third-party resident as Mr. Tenant (living rent free).
Anywhere your own thinking goes, Mr. Tenant follows, or worse, stands waiting for your thoughts diligently; ready to invoke the highest degree of criticism and self-doubt, every single time, without ever missing an opportunity.
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Living with Anxiety comes with its shenanigans, and absolutely all of them are unwelcome yet permanent resident friends of our Mental Fitness journey, like Mr. Tenant.
Anxiety will always tell you that you’re making a mistake in every single step you take in your life, however miniscule or major the step maybe.
If you say, ‘let’s sit on that fancy chair,’ Mr. Tenant will tell you 23 reasons how that chair is dangerous for you or how sitting in that chair will make you the most useless person on the planet.
You might think that I am exaggerating; but I am not.
Ask anyone living with anxiety disorder and anxiety attacks and they will tell you how close to accurate my description is.
It is like, anxiety and Mr. Tenant do not know how to operate in any way other than hyperbolically extreme in their thinking.
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- Anxiety will remind you of every embarrassing situation you have ever been in and warn you that the step you are about to take is going to put you back in that situation, but only ten times worse.
- Anxiety will warn you that you are highly like to fail. It will almost convince you that failure is the only outcome you can expect.
- Anxiety will also scream in your head that you are going to disappoint everyone, every chance you get. It will even convince you that you are about to disappoint people who do not even know that you exist.
- Anxiety will also constantly haunt you that something awful is going to happen, especially when everything is going great.
- Mr. Tenant will ensure that the best moments of your life are filled with a ‘behind-the-scenes’ panic about ‘all this is going to end in a disaster, so step celebrating this moment you are in.’
The best real-time example I can give you is that Mr. Tenant just whispered in my ‘ears, “Everyone will make fun of your article, and think you have lost it. You are going to make a fool of yourselves. Stop trying to be smart. You are not!”
– trust me, there are days when Mr. Tenant is so convincing that I do not even try to fight back and throw in the towel before he can even finish his sentence.
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There is light at the end of the tunnel that is mostly owned, operated, and distorted by Mr. Tenant.
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While Anxiety can be absolutely debilitating and paralysing, you can learn ways to defeat or at least manage your Anxiety quite successfully, for the most part.
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Here are a few things that work for me:
- Acknowledgement: The very first and probably the toughest yet most effective step for me is acknowledging that ‘this is probably my anxiety speaking and is not a real-life event’ and convincing myself that ‘this is all in my head, and I can stop it!’ Acknowledgement for me gives me the armour to stand straight, with my head held high, staring in the face of anxiety, and saying aloud, “You cannot stop me!”
- Writing Down the ‘Irrational’: Right when I am in the moment where anxiety, aided by Mr. Tenant is trying to defeat my spirit; I try to write down a comparison of what is making me anxious and what can help me be calm. Reading the two aloud to myself often helps me recognize that my anxiety is feeding me irrational thoughts and I can choose to reject them by reminding myself of my accomplishments. Sometimes I stand in front of one of the several life-size mirrors in my house and read these comparisons out loud to my reflection. It truly helps.
- Pause or Step Away: I give myself a moment to breathe and some space by walking away from the situation that is triggering my Anxiety if it is possible. Otherwise, I ask myself, “What can I do differently to feel more in control”. It often drives me towards finding a solution rather than making the problem a centre of my focus.
- Distract to Reclaim: I shift my attention to a different task or conversation or even an altogether different space which often distracts my mind away from what is making me anxious. It helps me calm down and shift my focus from ‘OMG my life is over!’ to ‘Let us see, how can we make the best of the situation we are in?’ mindset. Somehow, this mental shift drives me towards workable solutions and weakens the grip of anxiety over me.
- Physical Activity Rescue: One of the things that have the fastest positive effect is engaging myself into energy-demanding physical activities that need my full attention and strength to carry them out. I work out or swim or dance to release some positive chemicals in my body and brain which often reduces anxiety by taking it out as “anger” towards the weights, per say.
- Breathing Fresh Air: I can never thank my therapist as well as my father (not the same people yo!) for recognizing my love for walking and nature and constantly teaching me to ‘go for a walk in the woods;’ or nearest version of nature, given my city life. Trees, wood, soil, natural elements, and fresh air help me immensely calm down within a few moments. I feel like the nature is giving me a massive hug and reassuring me that everything is going to be okay. It gets okay. It gets better.
- Power of Plain Water: I drink cold and plain water slowly and at least 6 sips, pausing 3-5 seconds between each sip. Somehow it slows down my negative thinking and reduces the tension in my bloodstream and muscles. I start breathing better and calmer. It brings a certain physical cool within me that propagates a mental calm.
- Speaking to the Right People: Another important and often ignored step is talking to someone you can trust to be real with you. I have 5 different people on my speed-dial for moments when anxiety seems to be winning and all my efforts seem to have little or no impact. In such moments, being able to talk to another person (other than Mr. Tenant) who has the patience to hear me out, remind me that everything is good and whose words I can trust to be genuine talk and not just ‘saying what I want to hear’ – is extremely helpful. For this very reason, I also highly recommend seeking professional support – a qualified therapist, psychologist, or counsellor.
- Proactive Journaling: I cannot recommend enough the importance of proactive, regular, and hand-written or voice recorded journaling which you can read-back or listen to for clearing your head. Keep your journal honest, private, and transparent – allowing yourself to admit your worst fears and pains and include a mix of ‘what is bothering you’ as well as ‘what positive things you want to happen’ in your content. It helps you release the toxic and silence Mr. Tenant, while looking forward towards the positive opportunities that life has to offer.
And that is some of the many ways, I manage and defeat my anxiety in my ongoing dispute with Mr. Tenant, the rent-free occupant in my brain who has nothing good to offer.
Anxiety may be an unrelenting companion in my life but above INTENTION Strategies help me stay strong, positive, and focused on all the positive my life has to offer and everything I have accomplished so far; despite it all.
In acknowledging Mr. Tenant, my anxiety agent, yet refusing him more than a little corner in my head, on most days I succeed in living on my Hyper-INTENTIONAL terms with Clarity, Truth, Courage, and Resilience (CTCR) keeping my Mental Fitness to its optimum.
